metaphors

its like the intoxicating moon and fog at night.
Its like running when you can't breathe.
Its like a battle fought daily.
Its like an annual flower.

Its like a dragon slain.
Its like a song you don't know the words to.
Its like a good, pointless cry.
Its like traffic when you're running late.

Its like you have nothing to say.
Its like when you remember something you lost.
Its like a daisy chain crown.
Its like those rare nights when you fall asleep happy.

Its like the world never stops spinning.
Its like you're fleeing and you don't know why.
Its like trying to sew your heart back together- again.
Its like falling for a figment of your imagination.

Its like you know it can't hurt you.
Its like you have to- no, you need to know.
Its like a six am I love you.
Its like the cold hard dirty concrete.

Metaphors relate things that don't seem to match.
Things in a muddle.

I live in a muddle.
And I live in my metaphors.
I hide behind them, I use them so that I can keep skirting the issue,
So that I can keep lying. So that I don't have to make the hard decision
between what I want, who I am, and who I want to be.
But honestly, life is like metaphors.
My life at least. I use them till I'm blue in the face
But in the end I have to realize
That's all it is:
A metaphor.
Life.
And its not looking to hold up to a storm,
Its just trying to find the right words to spell out the truth.

lyrics

Well I can't regret,
Can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
And if we go down,
We go down together
Best friends means,
Well best friends means

And I've got a twenty-dollar bill
That says you're up late night starting
Fist fights versus fences in your backyard
Wearing your black eye like a badge of honor
Soaking in sympathy
From friends who never loved you
Nearly half as much as me

Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
It's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
It's something unforgivable

Well I can't regret,
Can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
If we go down,
We go down together
Best friends means,
Well best friends means

You never knew
Well I never told you...
Everything I know about breaking hearts
I learned from you, it's true
I've never done it with the style and grace you have
But I've made long term plans
Based on these mistakes

Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
It's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
It's something unforgivable

Is this what you call tact?
I swear you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
So let's end this call,
And end this conversation
There's nothing worse...
(That's right he said, that's right he said it)
( Have another drink and drive yourself home)
I swear, you have no idea
( I hope there's ice on all the roads)
The jealousy that became me thinking
( And you can think of me when you forget your seat belt)
(That's right he said)
( And again when your head goes through the windsheild)
That you always had it way too easy

Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
It's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
It's something unforgivable

Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve

- there's no 'i' in team, taking back sunday

they say

its your fault they tell me

aubrey, its yours and yours alone.

you're a bitch, aubrey

you can't take it and you're a bitch

you cut out.

but come on

look me in the eye

see what ive done

look at my ruins

size me up all tough and tumbled

and give up

say sorry.

you need to do this

its imperative, aubrey, its fact

try harder

be better.

be mine, and not yours.

ill wrap you up and send you back

empty as before.

but at least youre breathing.

but hey,

at least youre breathing.

you need to act like its okay

look perfect, aubrey

sit up.

-i love you aubrey

you know that-

shut the fuck up

im not the problem.

can you believe it?

i took it away.

the only thing you had

let's see you be pretty now.

cry, i dare you.

everyone can see.

its all i can see.

you've lost the game aubrey,

you're over.

aubrey, i dont care about you

they say,

i hope you fail

they say,

i hope you hurt

they say,

i hope you regret

they say,

i hope you love me

they say.

you're a loser they say

they say aubrey, youve worn dull.

the point doesnt stick,

the needle of your words

cant stitch my brain back

its been ripped so many times:

ive handed it to you

made you angry

had you rip it apart

so many times.

im broken aubrey, they say

and its all your fault

that you cant fix me

now that you finally need me.

you know i hate you aubrey

they tell me.

but aubrey,

it makes me feel better

to see you try.

it makes me laugh

it makes me happy

to see your love

splattered on the wall.

so what now?

they ask me, aubrey what now?

nothing they tell me.

we will do nothing.

because nothing will fill the void

better than any kind of love will.

don't question that aubrey.

its over.

defendant found not guilty

they say.

but not innocent.

no, never innocent.

and no one needs to remind me of that.

only six

your voice was

the soundtrack of my summer

but now

the music just kind of

breaks my heart

because god,

that girl six months ago,

the one in the music video,

she's so beautiful and happy.

sometimes, i wish i was still her.

and sometimes, i'm glad that i'm not.

what are you doing?

who told you that

my hand needed to be held

and that i liked my hair stroked?

or that my arms wanted to hug you

and my heart needed to be taken?

how did you end up next to me

painting pictures in my head?

who showed you how to get

under my skin

and make me smile

and sing me to sleep?

who invited you to curl up beside me

and comfort me in my bed?

who taught you how to rub my back

just so

and calm my OCD with a simple smile?

how did you learn to deal with me

and my bitchiness

and my lack of trust

and my resistance

my fear?

who are you

and who let you in?

where did you come from?

how did you get in?

who showed you the back door?

because right now,

i should really go hug that person

and thank them a million times over

for all the hope and forevers they've given me.

i need to thank them for letting me meet

you.

i'm no emo.

it upsets me that sometimes, i still breakdown and cry in the shower. makes me feel like nothing can ever change. that nothing will ever end. its a comforting feeling in certain regards, especially when you're dealing with the good stuff. the happiness. but the bad things? i just want to push them away as quickly as possible.

sometimes I still talk to myself in the dark, wishing I was talking to you. hating that you can't hear a word, my ceiling takes it all. i hate the empty tears that fall sideways over the bridge of my nose, across my cheek and onto my earlobe. They don't mean a thing to me anymore but they're still there.

it pisses me off that late nights dissolve me. that they can touch me and i can't run fast enough away. "you're not strong enough," it tells me "give up. give in." i cling to your memory when i finally trip and fall, letting the hole open back up and swallow me from the inside out. i curl up into a ball just to make the world stop spinning for one goddamn second so i can have a chance at shrinking you in my brain again. it doesn't listen to me.

i keep falling.

i'm no emo. i don't sit around moping in my fears. but...

but i can't help but admit what you really are to me.

you're my knife. my blade. i use you to cut myself, to feel some pain that i can manage, that i can control, all to distract me from the real issue: myself.

i can't focus on the truth, i need you so i can keep lying, keep running, keep denying the fact that i'm not really all that perfect and okay.

but now... now you're leaving scars and its scaring me. and i'm scared that i said no but you're still here. and it scares me to see the bruises. and it scares me to see the look in your eye. it scares me that i've forgotten the word "stop."

and it scares me to realize that i'm the one telling you to stay.

like a drug you're my nothing but you're my everything and i don't like who i am with you, but i don't know who i am without you. i know this makes me weak. it kills me everyday. but i can't do it, i can't kill us.

can you?